Written by: Divorce

Divorce and the Special Needs Child

A divorce comes with many challenges, but they are truly magnified when the family has a child with special needs. There is so much to consider, not just pertaining to the home situation but also to school. The key is to have a plan in place before you begin the divorce process. The following tips are geared towards high-functioning autistic (HFA) children.

HOME

  • Use a picture book about divorce to guide discussion.
  • Monitor the child’s frustration level.
  • Make transitions as smooth as possible from house to house.
  • Keep household rules the same at each house.
  • If working with incentives, keep them the same at each house.
  • Work with a co-parenting coach who has experience with HFA children.
  • Hire an attorney who has experience with special needs.
  • If needed, have your child see a therapist trained in special needs.
  • Be aware that the child’s anxiety will escalate.
  • Work on the parenting plan with someone who understands HFA children.
  • If needed, get a guardian ad litem to advocate for the child.
  • Keep caregivers the same.
  • Equip both homes with a set of books and school supplies.
  • Encourage extracurricular activities.
  • Have a visual visitation calendar in the child’s room that shows with pictures the days the child will be with Mom or Dad and activities.
  • Use the tools of scripting and/or cartooning.
  • Take care of your own needs.

RESOURCES

SCHOOL

  • Meet with the school counselor and teachers to notify them of the divorce and to go over possible resources.
  • Monitor the child’s frustration level.
  • Review classroom setup to ensure the child is sitting in the best possible place to feel secure.
  • Discuss having a “social buddy” or aide.
  • Have ongoing communication with the teacher about home and school behaviors.
  • Brainstorm how transitions will be handled in the classroom.

Remember, consistency, support, reassurance and love will be the keys to help your child navigate this difficult time for him/her.

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Last modified: May 6, 2024