A divorce comes with many challenges, but they are truly magnified when the family has a child with special needs. There is so much to consider, not just pertaining to the home situation but also to school. The key is to have a plan in place before you begin the divorce process. The following tips are geared towards high-functioning autistic (HFA) children.
HOME
- Use a picture book about divorce to guide discussion.
- Monitor the child’s frustration level.
- Make transitions as smooth as possible from house to house.
- Keep household rules the same at each house.
- If working with incentives, keep them the same at each house.
- Work with a co-parenting coach who has experience with HFA children.
- Hire an attorney who has experience with special needs.
- If needed, have your child see a therapist trained in special needs.
- Be aware that the child’s anxiety will escalate.
- Work on the parenting plan with someone who understands HFA children.
- If needed, get a guardian ad litem to advocate for the child.
- Keep caregivers the same.
- Equip both homes with a set of books and school supplies.
- Encourage extracurricular activities.
- Have a visual visitation calendar in the child’s room that shows with pictures the days the child will be with Mom or Dad and activities.
- Use the tools of scripting and/or cartooning.
- Take care of your own needs.
RESOURCES
- autismspeaks.org
- myaspergerschild.com
- iidc.indiana.edu/irca
- sesamestreetincommunities.org/topics/divorce/
- aaml.org
- Search “best practices in handling family law cases involving children with special needs.”
SCHOOL
- Meet with the school counselor and teachers to notify them of the divorce and to go over possible resources.
- Monitor the child’s frustration level.
- Review classroom setup to ensure the child is sitting in the best possible place to feel secure.
- Discuss having a “social buddy” or aide.
- Have ongoing communication with the teacher about home and school behaviors.
- Brainstorm how transitions will be handled in the classroom.
Remember, consistency, support, reassurance and love will be the keys to help your child navigate this difficult time for him/her.