Written by: Debbie Martinez • July 10, 2020• Divorce

Dating Post COVID

You have been cooped up and alone for months. No one to talk with on a regular basis, no physical interactions, plus social gatherings have been outlawed. So, what have you been doing to feel connected in the dating world? Quite possibly you have increased your number of Facebook friends and have experienced multiple virtual dates with Match candidates. You’ve also had a quick look as to how human pheromones can be used to help bring up your attraction and desire after those long months of being couped up. Fast forward a few months and you find yourself sitting across from your virtual date. He is more handsome in person, or could it be the ambiance of outdoor seating or that second glass of wine in your hand?

In your opinion, things are flowing along and why shouldn’t they? You have spent months talking with him on the phone, texting and facetiming. You have had time to fantasize about this stranger along with the romantic notion of meeting and falling head over heels. And then..

He turns to you in the glow of the night sky and says ever so sweetly, “I think we should just be friends.” Wait, what? At that moment, you swing into your convincing mode and with every ounce of energy you have, you attempt to convince him why you two should be more than friends. Ladies, ladies, really? Did you check your self-respect in at the door with your name?

Let’s take an in-depth look at this whole situation and put it in perspective. The facts are you know nothing about this man other than what information you both have exchanged during a time of crisis when emotions are at an all-time high and people are anxious to get back to their lives pre-Covid. Some will emerge from this period of isolation wanting to be in a relationship and some will emerge just wanting freedom but here’s the bottom line. Despite the reasons, the outcome is the same: he just wants to remain friends.

Why is that so hard to accept? I’m going to tell you why.

It’s because you let your emotions get ahead of the reality of the situation and lost perspective. You had written the whole screen play before you had even met him. Now you two meet and it just doesn’t fit, for whatever reason. Don’t read more into it like, “I’m not good enough. I know I gained a few pounds during this corona thing,” or any of the other ways we, as women, beat ourselves up. Not being someone’s type doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you. It just simply means you are not the right fit for him, just like there have been guys that are not the right fit for you.

The mistake women make is they immediately try to talk the person into being more than friends. The end result is you still end up being just friends and you come across looking like you have no self-confidence and are needy. Clearly this is not the last impression you want to leave him with. Hopefully you have done some self-reflection during this pandemic lockdown and realize only you can give yourself self-worth. It is best to slow future tripping down to a minimum. Set out on your own path and enjoy the journey of being single until the right guy comes along.

Mandy Hale sums it up by saying, “The person you’re meant to be with will never have to be chased, begged or given an ultimatum.” And the barber sums it up by saying, “Next.”

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