I see many types of clients in my practice, at all different stages of their divorce journey, with an enormous variety of questions and concerns. One such question comes from someone who really feels that their ex spouse was indeed their soul mate and they are convinced that their love life is over because their soul mate is gone.
Well, listen up, all you love forlorn singles out there, your love life is far from over. Finding a soulmate is on everyone’s bucket list and people believe that you can only have one in your life and that person, once found is your other half. This bit of information is incorrect and is the source of much angst in my clients. You can have more than one soul mate.
A soul mate, while it is true shares a soul connection with you, is not meant to come into your life to complete you. You must be a complete person before you meet your soul mate and then this person helps you to be a better version of yourself.
So many times I hear people say, “When I find my soulmate, I will be happy and feel complete.” No, what you will feel is a soul connection but completeness must come from you. Finding a soulmate has been romanticized in books and movies to a point I’m not sure is even close to reality but what it has done, is mess up people romantic relationships. A soulmate is someone who comes into your life and helps you grow mentally, spiritually, emotionally and sexually. They encourage you to be the best version of yourself. The part that is true about all this is that you do feel an unexplained connection or attraction to the person however, that doesn’t mean that this person is “the one” that you will end up with. Remember, our soul mates are here to help us grow and when that job is finished might move on.
Right about now, you might be feeling discouraged but don’t be. You can find and end up with a soul mate even if you feel like you already had one. Here are a few secrets, be a complete person in and of yourself, don’t get scared and settle and be open to your soul mate coming in a different form than you envisioned.
Let’s look at these individually. Being a complete person is key because then you are not feeling desperate to find this person so you can feel complete. Your desire to meet him/her shifts from desperation and completion to one of excitement and complementing. The second secret is not to get scared and settle. Bad decisions are made from a place of fear and by no means, don’t talk yourself into thinking this is your soulmate because the clock is ticking. Do not settle and lean on your intuition. The third secret is to be open. You may have your heart set on that 6 ft., blue eyed, football player when actually, your soulmate is 5’10”, brown eyes and hates sports. Don’t box yourself in. I think this is the biggest mistake I see my friends and clients do. They are only looking for the box with the red bow and miss the box with the blue bow that has their name on it.
Do not wait for your soul mate to start living your life but in the meantime, do these things and believe that you will find him. “Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.” -William James
Debbie Martinez, MA is a certified, mindful life coach specializing in divorce (aka: heartbreak coach). She professionally coaches clients on how to avoid the breakup backlash and live better, not bitter. As a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator trained in collaborative divorce, Debbie gives clients the tools they need to successfully untie the knot and stand strong in the wake of adversity. She brings her formal training and life experience into her coaching practice to empower and educate clients through their divorce journey and onto new beginnings. You can contact Debbie at firstname.lastname@example.org.